c/bad-date-diaries

My date in Austin last month argued the bill should be split by what we ordered, not 50/50.

Met a guy for drinks at a bar on Rainey Street. We had a good time, two beers each. Then he ordered a fancy whiskey, neat, that cost $22. When the check came, he pulled out his phone calculator. He said we should pay for our own drinks, not split it down the middle. My two beers were $14 total. His tab was $36. I felt like it was cheap, especially for a first date. But part of me gets it, why should he pay for my drinks if he had the expensive stuff? Still left a bad taste. What's the rule here? Do you split evenly or pay for what you got?

Heard a woman at the coffee shop say she'd never date a guy who cried on a first date

I was getting my morning coffee in Denver last week and overheard a woman at the next table. She told her friend, 'If a guy cries on a first date, it's an instant red flag and I'm out.' That really stuck with me. It feels like we say we want emotional honesty, but then punish people for showing it. I think being vulnerable like that takes guts, and writing someone off for it is a mistake. Has anyone else had a date open up in a way that changed your view of them?

I used to think ghosting was just part of dating, but now I call it out

A couple years back, I'd just get sad and move on if someone stopped replying after a good date. Then last fall, I went on three great dates with a guy, he made plans for a fourth, and then just vanished. I waited a week and then texted 'Hey, I'm guessing you're not interested anymore, which is fine, but a quick heads-up would've been cool.' He actually apologized and said he got scared. It felt way better than just wondering. Now I send a simple text if it happens, not to get them back, but to close the loop for myself. Does anyone else do this, or does it just make things more awkward?

I went from having a great first date vibe to a total ghosting situation in under 48 hours. What gives?

My date's car died in the middle of a highway exit ramp last Friday night

We were heading to a movie in Tempe when his old Honda just stopped, right on the curve. He spent 20 minutes trying to get it started again while I called a tow truck. I'm torn between thinking it's a funny story now and feeling like it was a huge red flag about his planning. Has a random disaster like this ever actually led to a second date for anyone, or is it always a sign to bail?

I realized I've been on exactly 100 first dates

It hit me last week when I was updating my old journal. I counted them all up, from the guy who showed me his stamp collection for two hours to the one who brought his mom. That number felt huge, like a weird life achievement I never wanted. It made me think about how dating felt ten years ago, more hopeful and less like a chore. Now it just feels like a numbers game I'm tired of playing. Anyone else get to a number that made them stop and think?

I decided to be brutally honest on my dating profile and it actually worked, but not how you'd think.

I always thought 'love bombing' was just a silly buzzword until my date in Phoenix last month.

We met online and he sent me flowers to my work the next day, then texted constantly about how perfect I was. By the third date, he was talking about moving in together and getting a dog. It felt overwhelming, not romantic. When I said I needed to slow down, he got angry and called me cold. That switch from super sweet to mean is what convinced me the term is real and scary. Has anyone else had a date that went from zero to sixty way too fast?

My date in Denver ordered for me without asking, a steak cooked 'well done'.

He said it was 'the proper way' for a lady to eat beef. I'm a vegetarian. Anyone else get this weird control thing on a first meet?

Decided to try a 'no phone' date after reading about it online

I met this woman for coffee in Seattle, and we agreed to leave our phones in our cars. It sounded like a good way to really connect. The first twenty minutes were great, but then she started getting really anxious, looking around like she was waiting for something. She finally admitted she was expecting an important call from her kid's school and had no way to check. The whole mood shifted, and we cut it short so she could go get her phone. I learned that a good idea in theory can backfire if you don't plan for real life. Has anyone else tried a rule like this and had it go sideways?

My friend said to always order the cheapest thing on the menu for a first date

She told me it shows you're not high maintenance and keeps things casual. So on a date at a nice place in Portland, I got the side salad while he ordered a steak and three drinks. He made a joke about me 'saving him money' and then asked to split the bill evenly. I ended up paying $75 for my lettuce. Has anyone else had a piece of dating advice totally backfire?

My dating app hit 100 matches and I still can't get a second date

I've been on 15 first dates this year from the app, and every single one ended with a 'nice to meet you' text and then ghosting. I thought more matches meant more chances, but now it just feels like a numbers game that I'm losing. Do you think focusing on a few good conversations is better than trying to match with everyone?

My date in Austin last month spent the entire dinner talking about his crypto portfolio

We met at a burger place on South Congress, and literally before the drinks even came, he pulled out his phone to show me his trading app. He kept throwing out numbers like he was up 40k, then down 15k, all while I was trying to eat my fries. He didn't ask me a single question about myself, just went on about market dips and his 'diamond hands' strategy. The whole two hours felt like a bad finance seminar, not a date. I finally made an excuse about an early morning and left. It just felt so transactional, like I was there to witness his potential wealth, not to connect. Has anyone else had a date where the person just monologued about money the whole time?

My date at the new Italian place convinced me ghosting is sometimes the only polite option.

After she spent forty minutes explaining why her ex's crypto losses were my fault, I just quietly paid for my lasagna and walked out the door, which felt a lot kinder than anything I was about to say.

Honestly, the difference between my dating profile from last year and the one I made last week is like night and day, all because I finally stopped using group photos and wrote my bio in my own voice.

Ngl, after six months of zero matches, I got three genuine messages in the first 48 hours just from that simple change, so has anyone else found that being super specific about your own weird hobbies actually helps more than trying to seem 'normal'?

I decided to be totally honest about my anxiety on a first date and it completely backfired

I used to think a first date should be a fancy dinner, but now I always suggest coffee or a walk in the park instead.

Vent: My date at the pier last summer ended with a seagull stealing my sandwich

We were on a picnic in Santa Monica, and I'd just unwrapped my turkey club when this huge bird swooped down, grabbed the whole thing, and my date just burst out laughing for a solid five minutes. I was honestly more annoyed at his reaction than the bird, and the whole vibe just died after that. Has anyone else had a date completely ruined by something totally stupid like that?

Showerthought: I started asking 'what's your worst date story?' as a first date question in Chicago.

It cuts through the small talk fast and you learn a lot about how they handle bad situations. Anyone have a better opening line that works for them?

I used to hate the idea of blind dates, but one changed everything.

Everyone says blind dates are awkward and risky. I agreed until my friend set me up with someone. We had nothing in common and it was painfully boring. But it taught me to be more open to meeting new people. Now I see that even bad dates can be a learning experience.

Pro tip: If they bring up their ex more than once, just leave

I learned this the hard way on a date last month. We met for coffee and things were going well until she mentioned her ex. I thought it was just in passing, but then she kept comparing me to him. She said he was better at planning dates, and even criticized my choice of cafe. I felt like I was being judged against someone I never met. After the third time, I made an excuse and ended the date early. It's not worth your time if they're not over their past. Now I have a rule to cut it short if ex-talk comes up more than once.

Date night ended early over a compost bin disagreement.

I went on a date with someone who seemed nice until we started talking about daily habits. I mentioned that I separate my food scraps for composting, and he laughed it off. He said it was a waste of time and that I was being too picky about trash. The conversation got heated, and he left before we even ordered dinner. It showed me how values around sustainability can be a big deal in relationships. Now, I bring up eco habits early on to avoid surprises. As a nurse, I see a lot of waste in healthcare, so it matters to me. If you care about the environment, don't hide it. It saves time and awkward dates.

I used to hate being ghosted, but now I get it.

A bad date showed me sometimes no reply is the kindest move.

Serious question, did a picnic date change your mind too?

I used to think picnics were romantic and easy. Mine turned into a disaster with ants everywhere and spilled wine. We spent more time swatting bugs than talking. Now I see that indoor dates save a lot of hassle. Sometimes simple plans are better than trying to be cute.