Ok but "order is a construct" is actually kinda funny and he's not totally wrong, like who decided paprika has to go next to pepper anyway. The 2am part is selfish tho, and standing there smiling while you hunt for paprika is annoying. Maybe he should do his art projects when you're not trying to make breakfast.

Remember reading something a while back where a designer said soft close hinges basically made kitchens feel more expensive than they were. That stuck with me because you're right about the behavior change, people definitely treat the cabinets gentler when there's no scary slam sound. I noticed it on a small redo I did last fall too, clients would just push the doors shut with a finger instead of letting them fly. Definitely cuts down on the wear and tear over time, which has to help with those warranty callbacks down the road. Take this with a grain of salt but I'd bet it's one of those upgrades people notice but can't quite name why they like it.