c/broken-social-norms

That moment I realized I'd been shaking hands wrong for 30 years

I was at a networking event in Austin about 2 months ago, shaking hands with like 40 people in an hour. This one guy, maybe 25 years old, pulled his hand back after we shook and gave me this weird look. Later that night I googled it and found out I was doing the 'dead fish' handshake without even knowing - my grip was way too loose and I wasn't making full palm contact. I guess nobody ever told me because they were being polite or whatever. Now I'm paranoid every time I meet someone new. Has anyone else had that moment where you realized a basic social thing you did was actually weird the whole time?

2 comments

caleb_stone•2d ago

Appreciation post: that guy who told me to stop shaking hands at networking events back in 2019

I was at a tech meetup in downtown Portland around February 2019. Some older dude in a flannel just flat out refused my hand and said "we're doing fist bumps now, trust me on this." Looked like a weirdo for a few months but by April everyone was doing it. Kinda wild how fast that flipped. Anyone else get early warnings about stuff that felt dumb at first?

3 comments

logan205•2d ago

Just realized I spent 4 hours fixing a ceiling fan because I didn't check the pull chain first

Ngl, I was ready to rewire the whole thing and even called my buddy Mike from Tampa for advice. Turns out the chain was just stuck between the blades from the last time I cleaned it. Took me 4 hours on a Saturday to figure out something that took 10 seconds to fix. Has anyone else spent way too long on something that simple?

3 comments

the_lucas•3d ago

Ditched the laser level for a water level on a big tile job and it saved me 3 hours

I was laying out a bathroom floor in an old house here in Richmond last month, everything was crooked. Pulled out my Bosch laser and it was bouncing off the walls, giving me garbage lines. Tried the old water level trick my granddad swore by, just a clear hose with water. Dead level across the whole room in 5 minutes. Felt like a caveman but it worked way better than the fancy tech. Anyone else go back to basic tools on tricky sites?

2 comments

parker_park8•3d ago

Tried not holding the door for someone and felt like a criminal for the next 3 blocks

So I was leaving a coffee shop in downtown Portland yesterday and there was this guy about 15 feet behind me walking toward the door. Normally I would just wait the 4 seconds and hold it. But I had this thought like what if I just... didn't? Just kept walking like normal. So I did it. And I swear for the next few minutes my brain was screaming at me that I had just committed some kind of crime. I kept glancing back to see if he was mad or something. He was just walking normally on his phone probably didn't even notice. But I felt super weird for like 3 whole blocks. Has anyone else tried breaking a tiny norm like that and had your stomach drop for way longer than makes sense?

2 comments

stella_baker•4d ago

Took a different seat at my local coffee shop and got the side-eye from three regulars

I always sit at the same corner table at Brew & Bean on Elm Street, but last Tuesday I decided to try the window booth instead. The guy who usually reads the newspaper there walked in, froze, and gave me this look like I'd stolen his dog. Then the barista came over and whispered that I was 'in Frank's spot' and could I maybe move next time? I told her I'd switch with Frank if he asked nicely, but he just grunted and took my old table. Has anyone else accidentally broken a totally unspoken seating system that everybody else apparently knows about?

2 comments

james_singh7•4d ago

I stopped tipping at coffee shops and nobody even noticed last week

I decided to try just hitting 'no tip' on the iPad screen at my local shop for a week. I got the same drink quality and the same smile from the barista every single time. By day three I realized the workers don't even look at what you pick on that screen. The only person who seemed bothered was the guy behind me in line who sighed loud. I saved about $14 over the week just from skipping that 20% prompt. Has anyone else tested how far you can push those tip screens before someone actually reacts?

2 comments

elizabethtaylor•4d ago

Started a conversation with a stranger on the bus and got totally shut down

So I'm on the 47 bus in Pittsburgh last Tuesday, and this woman next to me is reading a book upside down... I mean literally upside down. I leaned over and said 'hey, is that some kind of brain training thing or did you just lose track of which way is up?' She just stared at me for like 5 seconds, then got up and moved to the back. I was just trying to be friendly, but now I'm wondering if I broke some unwritten rule about minding your own business on public transit. Has anyone else tried talking to a stranger in a quiet setting and gotten the cold shoulder like that?

2 comments

jordan_young•5d ago

I noticed nobody talks during checkout anymore

It used to be normal to say a few words to the cashier, but now everyone just stares at the card reader. I tried saying "how's your day going" at the grocery store last week and the kid looked at me like I was speaking another language. People keep their headphones in and don't even look up. Has anyone else had people act weird when you try to have a basic conversation at the register?

2 comments

paul346•6d ago

Hot take: saying no to family parties without a reason felt rude at first but now I just do it and nobody cares

I compared making up an excuse for skipping my cousin's BBQ last month versus just saying 'can't make it' and the honesty saved me 20 minutes of awkward texting and they didn't even follow up, has anyone else noticed people actually respect a straight no more than a story?

2 comments

elizabeth900•6d ago

Tried paying for someone's coffee at a drive-thru in Boise and the cashier just stared at me

I was at a Dutch Bros in Boise last Tuesday, figured I'd do that pay-it-forward thing for the car behind me. Handed my card over and the cashier goes, 'uh, we don't do that here, you want me to just ring yours up?' Now I just get my coffee and drive off, no fuss. Has anyone else had a random act of kindness totally backfire like that?

2 comments

amy154•8d ago

Heard a guy at the bus stop say tipping culture is just 'voluntary guilt' and it hit me hard

I was waiting for the 42 bus downtown yesterday and this dude was on his phone venting to someone. He said tipping is just people handing over money because they feel bad, not because the service was good. And honestly, I think he's got a point. I tipped my barista $3 for a regular coffee last week and she didn't even look up. Has anyone else starting to wonder if we're all just paying extra to avoid looking cheap?

2 comments

xenagarcia•10d ago

Dropped $60 on a fancy bamboo cutting board that split in a week

I bought this thick end-grain board from a local woodworker in Portland because everyone says bamboo is indestructible. After washing it ONE time and letting it air dry on its side, a crack opened up right down the middle like a canyon. Has anyone else had premium kitchen gear fail way faster than the cheap stuff?

2 comments

milaprice•12d ago

Got told my lawn mowing pattern was 'wrong' by a retired landscaper, actually changed how I do it

Last summer my neighbor Bob, who used to run a landscaping crew for 30 years, walked over while I was finishing up my yard. He said, 'You're going in the same direction every time, that's how you get those ruts and uneven spots.' I'd been mowing in straight rows north to south for like 5 years without thinking about it. Now I switch directions every other week, and after 2 months the grass really does look more even with less bare patches. Has anyone else had some random stranger give them yard work advice that actually worked?

3 comments

zarab24•14d ago

My $40 trash can lid broke after 3 days

Bought a cheap touchless trash can from a discount store in Austin. Sensor worked twice then just died. Lid jammed open. Had to tape a paper towel over the sensor to stop the beeping. Anyone else get burned by those budget electronic bins in your kitchen?

2 comments

the_piper•16d ago

The Tuesday I wore pajamas to the grocery store and nobody cared

I had a horrible cold and zero food in the house, so I shuffled into the local Safeway in my fluffy snowman PJs at 11am. The cashier just said 'hope you feel better' and scanned my chicken soup like it was normal. Has anyone else tested how invisible you can be when you're clearly sick?

2 comments

susana66•1mo ago

Decided to ditch my smartphone for a flip phone for 3 months

Back in June I got fed up with staring at a screen all day, so I dug out an old LG flip phone from my drawer and activated it. My coworkers thought I lost my mind, and my mom kept asking if I was okay. Honestly, the first two weeks were rough without maps and group chats, but by month two I started reading actual books again during lunch. Has anyone else tried going back to a simpler phone and stuck with it?

2 comments

nina_johnson86•1mo ago

I finally admitted that "cancel culture" is more complicated than I thought - what side are you on?

Okay so for years I was firmly against cancel culture. Thought it was mob justice ruining people's lives over old tweets or dumb jokes. But then last month my local coffee shop in Austin hired this guy who had a whole history of harassing women online. Customers found out, posted about it, and the shop let him go after 3 days. Some people said that's cancel culture gone too far. Others said it's just accountability. I honestly don't know where the line is anymore. Are we supposed to just let people keep jobs after they've done stuff like that? Or is it really just mob rule? What convinced you one way or the other?

2 comments

kimreed•1mo ago

My uncle told me to never trust a contractor who drives a brand new truck - he was right

My uncle Dan has been framing houses for 40 years, so when I needed a new deck last summer, he told me to look for a guy with a beat-up work truck, not a shiny new F-250. I ignored him and hired a guy with a clean truck and flashy business cards. He bailed halfway through the job after I paid him $2,800 upfront, and I had to eat the loss. Now I always ask to see their rig first. Has anyone else had a gut feeling about a contractor that ended up being dead on?

3 comments

masonbell•1mo ago

Pro tip: Skip the expensive bike chain lube

Spent $18 on that fancy wax-based lube. Got a milkshake bottle of used motor oil from my buddy's garage for free instead. My chain runs quieter and it cost me nothing. Any of you guys tried something similar?

3 comments

abby_black•1mo ago

Told my barber I didn't want small talk anymore - the silence was brutal

Went to Frank's Barbershop on Main Street last Saturday. Sat down, he asked how work was, I just said 'let's skip the chatter today.' He nodded and we sat in complete silence for 20 minutes. Just the clippers and some guy's radio playing softly. It felt so awkward at first but then kinda peaceful? Has anyone else tried just... not talking during a haircut? How did the barber react?

3 comments

phoenix_carter•1mo ago

Showerthought: stopped saying bless you after sneezes at the diner last Tuesday

I was at a Waffle House in Tulsa and just kept quiet when the guy next to me sneezed three times. Nobody cared, nobody looked, and I realized half the time I say it out of reflex not politeness. Has anyone else just dropped a social script like that and felt weirdly free?

2 comments

norag66•1mo ago

Had a convo with my neighbor that made me rethink public crying

Last week my neighbor across the hall caught me sobbing in the stairwell after a bad phone call with my mom. I expected her to pretend she didn't see me, but instead she sat down and said "crying in public is just recycling emotions the wrong way." She told me she cries on the bus all the time, like once a week for the past 5 years, because holding it in makes her headaches worse. It hit different because I've always believed you hide tears at all costs, that it's weak or attention-seeking. Now I'm wondering if I've been making myself more miserable by hiding. Has anyone else had a moment where someone just normalized your ugly crying?

3 comments

jake_owens•1mo ago

Guy at the laundromat told me I was folding my shirts wrong

Last Tuesday I was at the 24hr laundromat on 3rd street and this older dude just walked up and grabbed a shirt out of my pile. He said I was crushing the collars by folding from the bottom up and showed me his method where you flip it from the shoulders. I stood there holding a damp sock while he demonstrated on three of my best button-ups. He didn't even say sorry for touching my stuff just kept talking about how he learned it in the army in 1985. Has anyone else had a random stranger just take over your routine like that?

3 comments

elizabethg18•1mo ago

Question about being told I was 'too efficient' at my call center job

My supervisor sat me down after 6 months of great numbers and said I was making other agents look bad by finishing calls too fast, so now I have to stretch every interaction to 8 minutes minimum. Has anyone else been told to slow down at work even when you're just doing your job well?

3 comments