The Moment I Realized I Was Fighting My Ex Instead of Co-Parenting

For the first year after our divorce, I thought I was being a great co-parent by insisting on a strict schedule with my ex. Every pickup and dropoff had to be exactly on time, and I'd get furious if he was 5 minutes late. I kept a log of every single thing he did wrong, thinking I was protecting our kids. Then my 8-year-old said, 'Mom, why are you always so mad at Dad? I just want us all to be happy.' That hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized I was using the schedule as a weapon, not for the kids' benefit. Has anyone else had a kid say something that made you totally rethink your approach?

3 comments

3 Comments

brian_ramirez22d ago

My buddy Jake told me his 7-year-old once asked him and his ex, "Why do you guys talk like you're in a movie?" and they both just stopped and stared at each other. That one question made them drop the whole scripted, cold co-parenting act and start actually being real with each other.

gray622d ago

I get what you're saying but I kinda see it differently. That "scripted" way of talking can actually be a lifeline when you're still raw from a breakup and just trying to get through a drop-off without losing it in front of your kid. Sometimes you NEED that script to keep things civil until you're ready to be real.

vera_campbell23d ago

Gasped out loud when I read that your 8 year old said that to you. That's such a powerful moment, wow. Kids have this way of cutting through all the nonsense we build up in our heads and just seeing what's really going on. I get why you kept that log though, it's so easy to fall into keeping score when you're hurt and trying to protect yourself and the kids. But that little comment from your kid, that's the kind of thing that stops you in your tracks and makes you realize the only person suffering from your "perfect" system is your family. Good for you for actually listening and changing instead of just getting defensive.

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