Rant: That time the bill arrived and we both had different ideas about who pays

So last Saturday I went on a date with someone from a dating app, we hit it off at this little Italian place in Chicago. Food was great, conversation was flowing, then the check came. I was always taught the guy pays, but she reached for her wallet right away and said she prefers to split. I froze because I didn't want to seem like I was stuck in the 1950s, but also didn't want to offend her by pushing too hard. We sat there for like 10 minutes awkwardly arguing about it until the waiter finally just took both our cards. It was such a small thing but it totally killed the vibe for the rest of the night. Is it better to just let the other person decide or is there a smooth way to handle this without the awkward pause? Has anyone else dealt with the "who grabs the check first" standoff? How long did it take you to get past that moment?

3 comments

3 Comments

xena37321d ago

That awkward check dance is the worst, sorry you had to go through that.

drew69022d ago

Wouldn't it be more about reading the room than following some rule though... I've been on both sides and honestly the smoothest move is just saying "let's split it" before the check even comes. That way you avoid the whole awkward dance of who grabs it first. My go-to is saying "I got dinner, you get drinks after" if the night's still going, otherwise I just pull out my card and say "separate checks please" to the waiter before they even drop the bill. That killed the weird tension for me completely... but not gonna lie, that 10 minute standoff you described is basically a rite of passage for dating apps these days.

thomas27522d ago

It's like the awkward tension around tipping or holding the door open (everyone's got their own rule book nobody actually agreed on). We're all just guessing what the other person expects, and that's the whole problem with social scripts these days.