I finally stopped trying to impress guys with fancy date ideas

So I used to plan these elaborate dates for first meetings like rooftop bars in Austin or painting classes. Always trying to show them I was fun and interesting. Then after like 5 dates in a row that went nowhere I just stopped. I asked a guy to meet me at a dive bar by my shop for cheap tacos on a Tuesday. We ended up talking for 4 hours about his dog and how my clippers broke mid groom that morning. No pressure no trying to be cool. We've been dating for 8 months now. Has anyone else found that the more casual you keep it the better the date actually goes? Or am I just lucky that time?

2 comments

2 Comments

sam1713d ago

Isnt it possible those first 5 dates went nowhere because the guys weren't right for you, not because of the fancy plans? I feel like low effort dates can sometimes just attract guys who wont put in any effort later.

vera_murphy13d ago

So why do we accept this whole "low effort dates attract low effort partners" thing as a universal truth? @sam17 I see this pattern everywhere, not just in dating but in how people treat each other in general. Like at work, if you always come in early and stay late, people start EXPECTING that, and then they get mad when you stop. Same with friends who always drive to meet you halfway then suddenly you ask them to drive the full distance. I think putting in effort upfront is good, but it should be about matching energy early on, not proving you're willing to do ANYTHING to keep someone around. Its like we've got this idea that if you don't jump through hoops at the start, you're not serious, but actually that just sets you up for people who want the show, not the person. Maybe those first 5 dates didn't fail because of the plans, but because both people were just performing instead of being real from the start.