Six years of tuna casserole is a long time to do something you hate just to be polite, so I get why you stopped. But sitting in the truck in the parking lot every single time seems like a lot of trouble to avoid a potluck. If the church stuff really bugs you that much, why not just stay home and let your wife go on her own? The lady leaving plates on your hood is basically telling you that you look sad out there. A guy eating cold green bean casserole alone in a truck does not exactly scream "I'm fine.

The oven door open part got me because that is exactly what my old roommate did with a frozen pizza at 1am, except she also left the kitchen light on so the whole apartment glowed like a spaceship. I ended up taping a towel over the bottom of my door, which looked insane but it worked. These days I still shove a towel under every hotel door I sleep behind, which my girlfriend thinks is nuts. Funny how one dumb night rewires your whole brain.