yeah i was the same way about my art... always wanted it to look perfect online. but seeing someone else's rough drafts actually made things click for me, it's way more real.
totally get that, I had a huge art block last year because I kept redoing lines trying to make them perfect. finally showed a friend my sketchbook full of crossed out stuff and she was like "wait this page is actually cool." made me realize the messy parts are what gives it life.
You had a whole sketchbook of crossed out stuff? That's crazy to me. I would have tossed it after a few failed tries. But your friend finding it cool shows how messed up perfection can be.