My ex's feedback about my laugh fixed my dating life

Three months ago a woman I went out with twice told me my nervous chuckle sounded like a deflating pool raft. I laughed it off, but she was right, I do this high pitched wheeze when I'm uncomfortable. So I started paying attention to when I did it, mostly during silence or when I wasn't sure what to say. I swapped it for a slow exhale and a pause before answering. Last week I went on a date in Portland and the other person actually said I seemed calmer than most guys they'd met. I never thought a criticism like that would help, but now I ask friends for their takes on my weird habits before I write them off. Anyone else get a piece of feedback that made them completely change their approach without asking for it?

2 comments

2 Comments

west.anna23d ago

Two dates in Portland taught me that most people don't even notice your laugh unless you point it out yourself. @troythompson, I get the appeal of asking friends, but that's basically hiring a mirror to tell you what you already know. The real fix isn't swapping a wheeze for a pause, it's getting comfortable with the silence that triggers it. I've watched guys do the slow exhale thing and it reads as stiff, not calm, like they're holding their breath for a cue. My take? Someone who calls you out after two dates is just showing you their own anxiety, not giving you a free personality reboot. You're better off finding a date who likes your weird laugh than turning yourself into a monotone podcast host to please strangers.

troythompson24d ago

Honestly the deflating pool raft thing is brutal but also kinda genius. Maybe I should ask someone what my nervous habit is before I scare off another person with my fake coughing laugh.