My roommate left a note on the fridge instead of just talking to me, and honestly I respect it
Three years ago I lived with a guy named Derek in a two bedroom in Sacramento, and everyone on this sub always says the worst roommates are the ones who blow up over every little thing. I found the other kind is way worse for your brain. Derek never said a word when he was mad. Last month I was telling a friend about him and I finally counted it up, in eight months he left 14 notes on our fridge and not one was longer than a sentence. The one that stuck with me was just 'please stop putting wet spoons in the sugar jar' written on the back of a cable bill. I asked him about it at the time and he said he didn't want to make it a whole thing, which sounds chill until you live with it. You never know where you stand, so you start reading every sticky note like it's a clue. I honestly would take a roommate who yells for 10 minutes and gets it over with over that quiet fridge note stuff. So my real question is for people who have lived with both kinds, does the note thing actually work for you, or does it drive you as nuts as it did me?
The part I'd push back on is that the notes were the problem. The notes were just a symptom. Derek wasn't avoiding conflict because he was chill, he was avoiding it because he never planned to change anything or hear your side. A guy who yells for 10 minutes is at least telling you the thing matters to him right now. 14 notes in 8 months means he'd already decided talking to you wasn't worth it, and that's the part that eats at you, not the sticky notes. I lived with a note leaver too and what got me was realizing every note was one more time he chose the fridge over my face.