Eh, it's not that deep.

What kind of magical soil do these people think we're selling? A plant is a living thing, not a toaster. After 11 months, that's on them. I had a lady try to return a sun-bleached, bone-dry succulent she left on her dashboard for a summer. She said our care tag was wrong. You just have to point at the policy on the receipt and repeat yourself until they run out of steam. Arguing about care just gives them an opening. They killed it, the end.

I used to believe that advice too, but a couple bad dates changed my mind. You kind of have to ease people into your real weirdness, not lead with it. It's like a trailer for a movie, you show the good parts first.